July 2, 2018

Rules Do Not Apply

Rules, schmules, am I right, guys?


There are some people you only need look at for a second to know, “Oh, yeah, this person is bad ass-rebel-rule breaker. Laws? You don’t need them. Order? Overrated.” No matter how many vegan leather moto jackets I buy or all black outfits I wear, no one will ever utter these words about me. And that’s fine. Following rules has brought me comfort. They function almost as a mathematic equation for security: if I do X, then Y must occur. Flawless arithmetic, in my book.

"I’ve been following the rules to solve for Y and I’m ending up with everything but. In short, the rules aren't working."

Here is where I should mention that math has always been my worst subject. I never really understood algebraic equations, so it makes sense that my formula has been failing me lately. I’ve been following the rules to solve for Y and I’m ending up with everything but. In short, the rules aren't working. 

When I step back and look at myself, where I am now, and what I've managed to accomplish, there are so many moments when I expected one outcome and got something totally, completely, absolutely NOT what I had calculated I would get. This has led me down a road of pretty consistent disappointment and frustration, at the end of which I found myself yelling, "Well, what the hell are the point of these rules, anyway!?" Naturally, it's in this fit of rage that I started to figure something out.

Life is no respecter of rules. You can't Pythagorean theorem your way through it. I've always needed validation in my choices—to know that what I'm doing will give me a desired outcome—but rigidly aligning myself to a set of rules is not insurance. Some things just have no guarantee. Instead of dwelling on the unpleasant reality of this, I'm trying to find freedom in it. If you don't bend, you'll break, and while I'm no badass rule breaker (don't think I'll ever be really), I'm finding some peace in the bending of rules.




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