February 19, 2018

We Were All Rooting For You

When self-love and tough love collide

One of my favorite reality TV show moments of all time involves Tyra Banks yelling at an America's Next Top Model contestant who fell short despite everyone's support of her. The sheer ridiculousness makes it gold, of course, but also the relatability of it all. I relate to the model who was being yelled at, in case you were wondering.

"Now, I'm finding that I have to be my mom (or yelling Tyra) for myself—and that is a form of self-love."

You see, my mom yelled at me a lot. When my mom yelled at me it didn’t feel good for either of us, but I do know that even in those moments, she loved me. She wanted bigger, better, more for me, and my playing the fool was not going to stand. Now, I'm finding that I have to be my mom (or yelling Tyra) for myself—and that is a form of self-love. Self-love is not just about making yourself feel good, because love is not just about feeling good. Love is far more complex than just nice, fluffy feelings.

I am here for all of the self-love and self-care going around in the world, but self-care isn’t always getting a manicure or lighting a candle. For me, I’m understanding now that self-care is also forcing myself to write, even when I’m tired. It’s cooking my own food though it’s much easier to Seamless everything. It's not spending an extra $40 on something frivolous when I know I have a goal to save more money, no matter how badly I want it. I love myself enough to be tough on myself, and while it never feels as good as treating myself to a new dress, it is necessary and still very much an act of love.

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