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August 9, 2017

Up In the Air

Thoughts from 40,000 feet up in the air


As I write this I am 39,242.30 feet up in the air. I know this very specific altitude thanks to a Snapchat filter that is really only impressive to use if you are climbing mountains or flying on a plane (it's this one, if you're curious). I'm on my way home to New York after a weekend in Atlanta, and though I thought this trip would make me feel blue, I'm coming back to New York floating on cloud nine.

"It's one thing to not know about other people, but to feel like you don't know about yourself? That's a doozy." 


Okay, that's an exaggeration, but how often am I going to get to say that while I'm actually floating through clouds? Yes, there are days where living in New York, dealing with all of its unique inhabitants (train rats included), and still trying to be a productive member of society gets to me, but even with all this, the homesickness and ache for my former simple life I was expecting to feel never showed up.

I'm building a new life. There are new people, new experiences, new challenges, and I'm inevitably learning new things about myself that make me question if I know anything about life at all. To be honest, I don't like it. It's one thing to not know about other people, but to feel like you don't know about yourself? That's a doozy.

But going home, instead of making me regret my move (and the self-doubt it brought on) reminded me of who I am. It reminded me of parts of myself that get pushed under by the weight of surviving in New York. Going to dinner with old friends, having too honest conversation over drinks, cuddling with my mom and her new puppy, was all I needed to rediscover bits of myself that I really miss, bits of myself that I forgot still existed despite all of the newness of my life. So maybe I'm not floating on cloud nine. If anything, I feel more grounded than I have in a long time.

Photos by @trustmyeyeinstagram.com/trustmyeye
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