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April 24, 2017

Happiness Is A Warm Island

Thoughts while sitting under a banana tree


At this very moment I am sitting on a lounge chair around the pool and under rows of coconut and banana trees of my Air BnB'd home for the week in Curaçao. Life is good. Even if I weren't on this amazing tropical vacation, I'd probably be singing the same tune. Life is good.  Life is good. 


"It's cute you don't think you'll ever cry again." 

That's a thought—words exact—that popped into my head pre-trip excitement, post-apartment joy. It's in my voice, a little bitchy warning, but coming from someone who doesn't feel like me. Not me now, anyway. If I'm being totally honest, it's a voice that sounds like a bonafide hater. But I know it's not. It's the wizened voice of reason, albeit in an unwelcomed tone.


"Every drop of goodness there is to be had is squeezed out. Life is amazing, birds land on my shoulder and sing to me as I brush my hair, strangers stop and smile at me, everything is beautiful, and I love that."


Of all of life's little lessons I've learned, the one that comes to visit the most is "for every up, there is a down." This sounds a little depressing, I know, but for me, it's  necessary reminder.

When I am happy, I'm not just happy—I'm over the moon, doing backstand double cartwheels (or whatever it is Simone Biles does). Every drop of goodness there is to be had is squeezed out. Life is amazing, birds land on my shoulder and sing to me as I brush my hair, strangers stop and smile at me, everything is beautiful, and I love that.

What that means for me is that when the birds have flown off and strangers have gone their merry way, I'm left feeling very, very low. And I swear to god, I always forget this happens. Real Time Thought: I feel like I'm wasting this vacation, thinking about the drop that's coming around the corner. There are freaking coconut trees swaying right now! Come on, Audrey! Stop this sad pity-party!

I'm not sad, though. This thought comes from a place of knowingness. I can fully enjoy where I am and the beauty of it, knowing that in a week I'll be back to waking up at seven for a dreary 45 minute commute to work. And that's okay. So, I'm going to get back to taking pictures of everything and being silly with my friends. Because for certain, this won't last forever, but if I spend more time than is needed thinking about the lows that come next, I'll miss this high entirely.



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